


My Boy, A Hysterical Crybaby

by SeasonalCoffee



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Monster House (2006), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: #HateMight, (will be once I post it), Angry Bakugou Katsuki, Anxious Midoriya Izuku, Author Is Sleep Deprived, BAMF Eri, BAMF Hatsume Mei, BAMF Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Bakugou Katsuki is a Little Shit, Bottom Midoriya Izuku, But Mom Is No More, Chapter 3 Is Wildin', Dead Midoriya Inko, Everyone Loves Midoriya Izuku, I Need To Stop Making Fan Fictions And Finish The Ones I Have, Im Sorry But All These Midoriya Tags are Making Me Wheeze, Im too tired for tags, Kaminari Denki is a Dork, Kaminari Denki is a Good Friend, Kaminari Shinsou And Midoriya Are My Disaster Gays, Let Aizawa Shouta|Eraserhead Rest, Let Tsukauchi Naomasa Rest, M/M, Mentions Of Monster House, Midoriya Izuku & Shinsou Hitoshi Friendship, Midoriya Izuku Does Not Have One for All Quirk, Midoriya Izuku Has Multiple Quirks, Midoriya Izuku Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Midoriya Izuku Has a Quirk, Midoriya Izuku Is Deadpool, Midoriya Izuku Loves "Old" Games, Midoriya Izuku is Bad at Feelings, Midoriya Izuku is a Little Shit, Midoriya Izuku is a Mess, Midoriya Izuku is a Tease, Midriya Izuku Kinda Hates Heroes, Monster House - Freeform, Multi, Other, Parental Tsukauchi Naomasa, Scary Midoriya Izuku, She Finds Herself A Nice Dad, Smart Midoriya Izuku, The Author Regrets Everything, There Are Gonna Be Some Touchy Subjects Later On In This Book, Vigilante Midoriya Izuku, Why The Fuck Doesnt Monster House Have Its Own Tag, Yagi Toshinori | All Might Bashing, but for now, enjoy, izuku says hi, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:12:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeasonalCoffee/pseuds/SeasonalCoffee
Summary: So, this is a Double-Quirked!Izuku story, paired with a Deadpool!Izuku.Before we get into it though, I've made many changes from the original BNHA storyline (I mean obviously, duh, Seasonal) because this story is literally at least three different story ideas in one.Izuku's known quirk is a simple one, It's pretty much Ms Joke's quirk except instead of laughing it's crying - earning him the nickname Crybaby. He's still rockin' Deku, though.His unknown quirk is regeneration. I mean duh, he's our BNHA Deadpool, he's gotta keep it flowin'. Can't let loose limbs slow him down now, can we?....Midoriya 'Crybaby Deku' IzukuWith a nickname like his, you'd think such a boy wouldn't be the protagonist of our story, but as it turns out, you thought wrong.You see, I am the protagonist, and although I may not look the part, I certainly act the part to be a top Vigilante.Yes, you read right - Vigilante. Capital V.I mean business, baby.....This is my story; the story of Hysterical - a Capital V Vigilante who's here to Kick Names and Take Ass.Wait, did I say that right?





	1. Cry, Baby, Cry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CloudyDumbass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudyDumbass/gifts), [Bunzukuu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunzukuu/gifts), [Yourgai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yourgai/gifts), [Bubbleheart4](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbleheart4/gifts).



> Chapter one - Cry, Baby, Cry.  
> Alternatively known as - Who woulda thought? Not me.  
> (A wild ship appears! It's ShinDeku!?)
> 
> This is a preview for my new fic. My Boy, A Hysterical Crybaby! Please enjoy the first chapter - tell me how you like it!
> 
> This fic will not be active until summer, as I am a busy person with way too many fics to making a new one. This chapter, along with one bonus chapter that will be coming out soon, will be the only chapters out until around June-August.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this!  
> -Seasonal

A blond boy in the classroom, standing over a green haired boy, clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"Just take a swan dive off the roof and pray that in your next life you'll end up with a quirk that's at least semi-useful, deku. You're no use here, anyway. You're just a burden who can't stop fuckin' crying."

Izuku scowled silently, keeping his head down so Katsuki didn't see.

'What a damn prick,' he thought. 'I shouldn't have told anyone about my quirk.'

Izuku sat quietly, waiting for Katsuki to finishing his stupid little speech.

"Huh? Tch, what the hell is this? Man-- Spider. . . Spiderman? What type of kiddie shit is this? An old American comic book? Why would you waste time reading this shit?"

Izuku's eye twitched, and he was panicking.

"W-wait, Kacchan, those are so hard to get, please don't--"

"Tch, shut up, you fuckin' deku. I don't need your crybaby shit right now. This deserves to burn."

Katsuki smirked, clapping the book between his hands burning the cover and back slightly, not quite wrecking it just yet. He took his time, watching Izuku's face twist into one of fear. That look, Katsuki thought, was a rather addicting look on the greenette's pretty face. Katsuki smirked at the thought. He was glad it was only him able to cause any real fear to run through that crybaby.

Before Katsuki could fully activate his quirk, Izuku beat him to the punch. Literally.

Izuku cried, and he forced Katsuki to cry with him. He cried so hard, letting his emotion run rampant as he lunged forward, driving Katsuki into a desk. And then he punched Katsuki in the gut. He punched him as hard he could, right under his ribcage - and although it didn't do much damage, it was enough of a surprise that Katsuki dropped his comic book.

And that was all he needed.

Izuku grabbed his stuff and ran. He didn't notice the number of people in the area crying, he just kept running and sobbing, wanting to make it somewhere - anywhere - safely. He just wanted to make it back home - it seems, however, that fate just loved to fuck him six ways to Sunday.

Of course, of all places, it was a shady fucking underpass that Izuku was attacked under. The damn sludge fucker tried to get the jump on the crying boy, only for him to start bawling his eyes out too. Izuku wanted to laugh at what happened as this stupid criminal tried to throat fuck him.

 

"It's okay now! Why?"

The sewer lid hit the top of the underpass.

"Because I am here!"

One overly powerful gust of sheer will later.

"All Might!"

Izuku almost passed out, but he didn't.

He didn't because he started giggling through his tears as he watched the one and only motherfucking All Might burst into tears.

Izuku quietly shut his quirk down, his eyes almost instantly drying after years of practice.

". . .thanks for that, All Might! Hey-- uh, man, I got a question for you,"

"Young man I-"

"D'you think a useless fucker like me could become a hero? Someone who's quirk makes everybody sad? You think I could become some type a' hero?"

Silence.

And then more silence.

Then finally, more fucking silence.

"Jesus man, a fucking no would've be appreciated if you'd be so kind."

"I-I uh. . . how'd you know that-- th-that I was going to say no?"

"No smart person asks a question, doesn't get an answer for three fucking decades, and goes 'hell yeah, bro, that's a definite yes!'. I'm not damn stupid, All Might."

All Might was left to scoop up the criminal alone, a wasted bottle of a carbonated drink dumped to the side. He was silent as he watched the young teen walk away in a sad, deafening silence. All Might didn't drop the criminal that day; things went on as they would.

 

<|break|>

It's the small complex that Izuku makes it to when he walks away from All Might.

Everything was connected in this sad excuse of an apartment, meaning if you don't pay your bills, the most that'll happen is you'll be kicked out because they can't just shut off the water and electricity - it'd end up shutting everyone's water and electricity off. To this day, Izuku still gives his thanks to whatever nonexistent Gods decided to let some dumb fucker build something like that, because he's living freely and nobody's going to be kicking him out anywhere any time soon.

Izuku sighs, throwing his soggy bag to the ground and trotting into the broken down living room. He threw his mess of a blazer over the back of the couch, slinking into the kitchen with no real purpose, his shoes leaving a dirty trail of sludge wherever he walked. 

The tired greenette jerked the fridge open, grabbing the last off-brand Cherry Dr Pepper from the cold box, and cracked it open as he kicked the fridge door shut, listening to the contents inside shake from the force. 

Izuku took a long drink, trying his best to rid his mouth of whatever the fuck that sludge guy was supposed to taste like. He sighed again, mumbling nonsense and trudging into the bathroom, pulling his clothes off slowly, still sipping at his drink. 

When he finally decided to set the fizzy beverage down, he stripped himself fully and took a well deserved, cold as fuck shower because he didn't want to steam his drink - warm pop is never good. Especially the off-brand shit that happens to be the only shit he can afford.

"Jesus fucking Christ-- Why the hell do I gotta deal with this bullshit. . !" He mumbled to himself, grabbing a stray towel and drying himself.

The teen wrapped it not so securely around his waist and skipped his naked self into his supposed room. 

Izuku hums in a sarcastically joyous tone as he throws on his work clothes.

"I just love this fucking shithole," he sighed out as he searched his backpack for the money he nearly he forgot he had - if you could call it any type of amount. "It's the absolute love of my life. . !" He grumbled, swinging his work bag over his shoulder and jogging out of the complex, remembering to lock the door this time. 

Izuku trudged to the convenient store, clocking in for his shift and grumbling to himself as he got ready. The bell rung out, signaling a customer, but Izuku ignored it. He wouldn't be bothered with them until they got to the counter. 

He turns around, digging through his bag for his DS - yes he has a DS, do you know how fucking hard it was to get his hands on one of these? Forget the fucking games, he nearly lost a limb trying to get the fucking device itself.

He turned it on, making sure the volume was down, and popped in a game called Monster House - made after a movie of the same name and concept. Izuku has watched the movie - took him ages to find it - and he wasn't disappointed. Sure, the entire movie was considered poorly animated for his time, but he's learned to appreciate the little things.

He loads his save file, mumbling to himself.

"Here we go. Another day, another reason for me to rethink my will to live." Izuku's head goes limp against his shoulder as he starts playing, chewing the inside of his cheek.

"Wow, mood much?" Izuku flinched, snapping his up, and up further when he realized the person talking was too fucking tall for his liking.

Izuku stiffened for a moment, before he finally gave a lazy grin, slipping back into his comforted mood when he realized the person in front of him wasn't a threat. 

"Hell yeah it's a mood, what the fuck else would it be - the title to a fucking soap opera?" Izuku quirked an eyebrow, giving a small smirk and he tilted his head, forest curls covering his emerald eyes, electric and maya blue flecks glimmering with amusement.

"Maybe not soap opera, but hell - I'd definitely title it my life story." The boy before him shrugged, giving his own small smirk in response as he stared down at the worker, taking a moment to admire the boy's eyes.

Izuku huffed a laugh. "Wouldn't we all in such a society -- one that's so fucking stupid I have to work here." Izuku smiled softly, shaking his head.

"What's your name, Mr Raccoon Eyes?"

The boy gave a huff, pinching his purple brows together in semi-annoyance.

"Like you're one to talk - have you seen your eyebags?" The taller teen leaned forward slightly, resting an elbow on the counter, his tone accusing him mockingly.

"Maybe so, who knows. But I've got a name and you don't, so I'll address you as such a nickname until you give me yours." Izuku pursed his lips playfully, leaning back away from the boy instinctually - Mr Raccoon Eyes noticed, but didn't say anything about it. He simply leaned back away, respecting the sarcastic store worker.

Izuku blew a raspberry and flicked the guys elbow, muttering a small 'manners' in a playfully sarcastic tone. Mr Raccoon Eyes grinned, removing his elbow and holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"Alright short stack, calm down." The tall teen held a hand out in a friendly gesture, not missing the way Izuku flinched back.

"Shinso. Shinso Hitoshi." He stated dryly.

Izuku took the hand, rather hesitantly might he add, and shook it with caution.

"Midoriya Izuku. Pleasure to make your acquaintance." He stated wearily, letting the tension in his shoulders go when he seen that Shinso wouldn't do anything to him.

Shinso smiled. "The pleasures all mine, little guy."

Izuku gave out an offended squeak. "Shut your damn mouth, you tall lookin' piece a' garbage!"

Izuku and Hitoshi held idle conversation, the DS long forgotten.


	2. Hisuterikku Who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This happens later in the fic, but I thought people might enjoy it, so here you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username -  
> Twitter: @Hisuterikku_Who  
> Instagram: Hysterical_Hisuterikku

Two people in an alleyway, a neon blue haired man standing over a pinked haired girl.

"Hey man, you know this isn't a very cool thing to do, yeah?"

The older man snarled.

"Shut up, pinky! You're the one who came into my territory lookin' for trouble."

"Actually I was looking for scrap metal,--"

"Shut up!" 

"Uhm. . . did I come at a bad time?"

The older man whipped his head to the entrance, squinting his eyes at a figure overshadowed by the setting sun.

"Why the hell are you stupid enough to one: try attacking what is clearly a UA student and two: attack her in broad motherfucking daylight."

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Oh, I'm glad you asked, kind criminal! You can catch me on Twitter under @Hisuterikku_Who or Instagram under Hysterical_Hisuterikku! Now, with that outta the way, you wanna hit the road, bro? I wouldn't want to beat you so hard I make you cry~"

"Hah! As if some scrawny pipsqueak like you could make me cry!"

"Sorry to bust your balls, pal, but I could make you start bawling so hard you'll wish your mother swallowed you."

And then he started crying.

It was funny to watch because the absolute shock that swept across the guy's face was priceless, and Izuku couldn't help himself but to laugh through the tears.

"Ah--ahahaa! You fucking p-pussy! Y-you're crying, ha!"

Izuku, whilst crying and laughing like Jesus himself told him he was about to fucking die if he didn't, sprinted in and pulled out double-sided tape from his belt.

"Aha! This is going to be so fucking funny,"

Izuku kicked the guy as hard as he possibly could right above his pelvis, and wrapped him like a present in tape, sticking him to the wall and then adding on more tape for good measure.

Izuku pulled out a pin and bow, attaching the bow to the pin before sticking it through the criminal's earlobe.

"There you go, Buster. Hope you enjoy your piercing."

Izuku turned to see the pink haired girl trying to stiffle a laugh, and he smirked under the mask.

"Hey hey, girly. I gotta go, but when Naomasa gets here, tell him Hisu loves him! Also, if you ever need me to kick anybody's ass, you know where to find me!"

And then he was gone

 

|Break|

 

"Alright. Thank you, Hatsume. Did Hisuterikku tell you anything else?"

"Oh! He told me to tell you 'Hisu loves you,'."

 

Ping! Truth. "Goddamnit. . ."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username -  
> Twitter: @Hisuterikku_Who  
> Instagram: Hysterical_Hisuterikku
> 
> Official page for literally anything?  
> I'll be posting drawings and chapter updates, along with spoilers for those who really want to know what's gonna be going down in the bool.
> 
> Also, please send me fanart and/or Hisuterikku|Hysterical costume design ideas!
> 
> That's all for now,  
> -Seasonal


	3. A Real Bruh Moment

Shinsou left, claiming that it was getting dark and he'd better head back before he gets in trouble. And Izuku doesn't mind - he understands, though that doesn't mean he's any less disappointed to be alone. They exchanged numbers, too, so Izuku feels it was a fair win in his book.

Don't get him wrong, playing Monster House while customers shop around slowly is totally worth the near minimum wage he's working for. I mean, he gets his own free discount soda - you can't get better than free WiFi for video games and free soda for energy.

But getting back to the point, what Izuku is trying to say is that Shinsou Hitoshi, the man of 'many' words, is Izuku's first real friend in eleven years.

Sure, he's got his online pals, two of his favorites being 'Deadly Squirt Gun' and 'Bro, Mineral Water', but he's never online much anymore due to the fact that he broke his tv playing Mario Party with them. He ended up getting their contact info, but in all honesty, that was the worst yet best mistake of Izuku's life.

Anyways, skipping past that monstrosity of a life decision - Izuku isn't entirely sure if Shinsou is as okay as he states. The eyebags, paranoia and the ready-to-run stance he has raises some red flags for Izuku.

He contemplated locking up early and following Shinsou home, and he nearly did but decided not to follow the tired teen for his own privacy. He decided to go to his rundown apartment instead.

"Jesus Christ, it's always the fuckin' coldest when I'm leavin' the damn place," Izuku grumbles as he looks the store doors.

Izuku pulled out his phone, looking at the newest contact in his phone.

He contemplated his options before deciding to open it, shooting a text to Shinsou.

Literally Broke Requests To Chat  
Dude its fucking cold outside

Shinsou Hitsoshi Accepted Your Request  
Sucks to be you stupid, I had a jacket

Literally Broken  
Fuck you, you damn raccoon

Literally Broken Renamed Shinsou Hitoshi To Raccoon

Racoon Renamed Literally Broken To Raccoon But Worse

Raccoon But Worse  
Fuck you I sleep you stupid hoe

Raccoon  
Press 'x' to doubt  
x

Raccoon But Worse  
,,,,  
Valid but fuck you

Raccoon  
Anytime baby

Raccoon But Worse  
How bold of you considering we just met

Raccoon   
Is that a yes?

Raccoon But Worse  
you piece of tired garbage

Raccoon  
Love you too

Raccoon But Worse  
Gay but thanks whore

Izuku shut his phone off, pocketing it and continuing to his apartment at a faster pace. He's been around these parts of town enough to know that taking a leisurely walk around the streets is the first step to getting your ass severely kicked.

A good example is across the street, where an unfortunate soul was getting jumped by a gang that Izuku, sadly, is acquainted with. Poor kid, Izuku thinks idly as he continues to walk. Too bad he's not in the mood to care.

"W-wait, please! I-I don't know what you're talking about! I've never even met a Midoriya - let alone a blue haired one!"

Izuku paused, looking over to the kid on the ground. Damn, maybe he has to care.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but I overheard your conversation and was wondering if this blue-haired Midoriya happened to go by Izuku?" 

And cue the grunts of annoyance as the thugs whip around to see who spoke. And action.

 

 

 

 

"I can't believe you fuckers still think I would join a gang. I mean, congrats on the new tactic of making me join by force but damn was it sucky. I didn't even break a sweat. You put up no fight at all." Izuku pushed his hair back, sighing quietly before stealing his face. "Now scram."

And scram they did.

Izuku clapped his calloused hands together, forcing a tired grin on his face as he turned to address the stunned boy on the ground.

"I hope you're okay, sir. Sorry, you had to witness that. What's your name?" Izuku held a hand out, gesturing for the stranger to get up.

The said stranger smiled stupidly and took Izuku's hand, getting up and rubbing his neck.

"Ah, my name's Denki. Kaminari Denki."

"Izuku," 

It was silent for a few seconds, Izuku letting Denki gather his bearings before speaking again.

"So what brings you around these parts? I can tell you're new around here because of the whole situation - nobody walks around without some sort of weapon around here."

Denki laughed nervously, looking anywhere but Izuku's eyes.

"I was looking for a friend. We planned to meet up here and I sort of just. . . got lost."

"Ah, well what's your friend look like? Maybe I can help you look."

Denki frowned, pulling out his phone and shooting a text to someone before speaking again.

"I don't think I wanna meet him today, I'm kind of tired and paranoid now. I still need to find my way back home, too."

Izuku frowned.

"Well alright, but if you're paranoid I could walk you home. Or you could come to stay with me until tomorrow morning."

Denki let out a small noise.

"Thanks, I think I'll stay with you. Just um, please don't kill me."

Izuku snorted, laughing quietly to himself. He covered his mouth to hide his smile as his teal eyes crinkled in joy.

"Don't worry, Nari, I'm not gonna kill ya. You're funny."

Denki stood quietly as Izuku laughed, his eyes wide and his heart pumping fast. "You have a really pretty laugh, dude." He whispers out.

Izuku's laughs cut short, his eyes widening as he blushed.

"Ah, thanks, Nari." He spoke quietly.

And cue the awkward silence.

 

 

 

"Welcome to my humble abode, please enjoy your stay and ignore the mess."

Denki looked around, taking in the rather empty living space.

"Hey Izuku, how old are you?" 

Denki waited patiently for an answer, thinking quietly to himself. He had to be older right? He had an abundance of scars and his own apartment - although he was small, he didn't look like Denki's age at all.

"Oh, I'm turning 15 soon, why?"

Oh, Denki thought. Maybe he was his age then.

 

 

Deadly Squirt Gun  
The dude im with right now is low-key hot as hell ngl

Bro, Mineral Water  
Oh? Get your mans

Deadly Squirt Gun  
I think I will

A Disease  
Good luck loser have fun


	4. I'm 15 So Shut The Fuck Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three - I'm 15 So Shut The Fuck Up  
> Alternatively Known as - This Day Isn't A Gift, I'd Like To Return It
> 
> In which Izuku, Kaminari, and Shinsou are official gay pals, and All Might has never felt so threatened in his life. Featuring a guest star everyone knows as a hot asshole. also a UNICORN and pussy excuse of a yakuza leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a discord server now-  
> Hisu_Who?  
> https://discord.gg/vccmtws  
> Seasonal Coffee #5071  
> Come join and/or add me🤠

Kaminari was in a daze. He didn't exactly know what to do in a strangers house at five in the afternoon, so he waited quietly for the fairly hot host to give him something to do.

As he sat on the worn-out couch, he looked around, silently taking in the rather comforting yet empty room, and glancing into the kitchen where Izuku has disappeared to.

He noticed a stack of waters, all bottled all packed into boxes of twelve each. He counted seven of them. 

"Hey Izuku, dude! Why do you have so many waters?"

Izuku peaked his head out from the doorway. "It's for my quirk. I use a lot of the water in my body, so naturally, I have to stay hydrated."

Izuku pursed his lips, pulling at the lobe of his ear in thought. "Did you see those guys cornering you burst into tears when I hit them?"

Kaminari thought back to it, nodding enthusiastically as he answered. "Yeah, I saw it! They were acting like little pussies."

Izuku smirked, his canines poking at his bottom lip.

"That was my quirk. I can make even the toughest of yakuza members cry their body dry."

Kaminari laughed at Izuku's way if phrasing, the playful tone in his voice enough to let Kaminari know Izuku meant well.

Izuku exited the kitchen, holding a package of sour cherry balls in his mouth as he carried two bags of fun-sized candy bars and sodas, a water bottle tucked underneath each arm.

"So, Nari," Kaminari jumped, Izuku's husky voice making its way to his ears, albeit muffled from the bag of candies in his mouth.

"You fond of the game Wii Sports Resort?" Izuku's eyes held a dangerous yet playful glint as he spoke.

Kaminari smirked, intrigued by Izuku's sudden shift in attitude. "I'm the all-ruling god of that game. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but. . . okay maybe I do, but they call me Kami-sama when it comes to Wii Archery." Izuku laughed quietly. "Kami-Sama to Archery - my fine ass you are! Bet I could beat you with a perfect score of tens. But for the game we're gonna play, I'm absolutely sure I'll beat you."

Izuku set up his Wii which was, mind you, also hard to get his hands on. "Well then, dear Kami-sama, let me battle you on a game of Power Cruising at the Wii Sports Resort."

Izuku spent the rest of his day playing Wii games with Kaminari. It was fun being able to play games peacefully with someone else - as peaceful as you could get, he guesses, with two rowdy teenagers completing a Wii Sports Athletics Triathlon. Izuku wouldn't mind doing this with Kaminari more often.

 

"Dude it's almost two, we need to sleep," Kaminari yawned out, switching his phone off after hastily checking the time. "You mind if I crash on the couch or something?"

Izuku jumped from his thoughts, whipping out his busted phone to see that it was indeed almost a quarter to two on a Saturday.

"Aw fuck dude. I forgot I have work tomorrow! Or would it be today? Ah, who cares. . ." Izuku's shoulders sagged for a second before he stiffened and a look of horror washed over his face. "Dude holy shit my boss is gonna beat my fucking ass if I'm late again!"

"You really seem worried about this, huh?"

Izuku gave Kaminari a look of pure panic. "No shit Sherlock, she's terrifying as fuck when she's mad!"

Kaminari snorted quietly behind his hand. "And I thought I was a pussy,"

"Oh shush it, sparky," Izuku grumbled out, giggling slightly afterward as he shut down his beloved Wii.

Kaminari smiled, closing his eyes as he listened to Izuku laugh. He had a feeling he was lucky in getting to hear the teen laugh so much in front of him, so he decided he'd cherish every little chuckle from the boy.

"So anyway, back to my questing earlier. Where exactly am I sleeping?"

Izuku perked up, grinning and pulling Kaminari up from the floor.

"You'll sleep with me!"

Kaminari didn't think he'd ever short circuit without the use of his quirk, but here he was.

"I. . . with-- you want me to sleep with you?"

Izuku cocked an eyebrow. "Well yeah, duh. My couch is so uncomfortable, and we're both guys so I can't say I see any problems with it. If you're uncomfortable with it I can just sleep on the couch. I don't want you to have a sore back."

Kaminari sat silently before he went red at the thought of sleeping with Izuku. It wasn't like it was going to be dirty or anything, Kaminari scolded himself. They just met, and Kaminari isn't a fool contrary to popular belief. He's smart, thanks. And he knows that Izuku isn't implying anything - Kaminari just has his head in the gutter 24/7. Leave him alone.

"Alright Nari, then it's settled! You're sleeping with me! Let's go, let's go. Since it's Saturday tomorrow you can come to work with me if you want."

And that's how Kaminari found himself with a face full of unexpectedly soft and fluffy curls, the colors an abundant mix of blues, blacks, and greens, much like Izuku's eyes.

Kaminari's face flushed a pretty pink, trying his best to fall asleep while the cute teen he just met unconsciously snakes his arms around Kaminari's waist.

The electric blond let out a pitiful noise, trying his best to be quiet as Izuku curled up like a cat, moving unconsciously towards Kaminari's warmth.

Eventually, Kaminari fell asleep with a peacefully sleeping Izuku halfway on his chest.

The peace was quickly disturbed - for Izuku anyways - when an alarm went off, scaring the shit out of one of the occupants of the bed.

"Holy fuck! Eugh-- Shit dude, oh my god. That scared the ever-loving shit out of me."

Izuku fell to the floor in a daze, reaching up to grab his phone, holding himself back from breaking the godforsaken thing.

He turned off the alarm, sitting silently as he thought to himself. 

"Why the fuck am I even up?" Izuku quietly questioned himself.

A grunt from Kaminari throws Izuku off guard, the blue-headed babe letting out a disgruntled sound of surprise.

And then he panicked.

"Fuck, I have work today!"

 

Kaminari woke up to the smell of cherries and coffee creamer, a smell that he could say without a doubt he wasn't used to.

He slowly sat up, groggy beyond all belief, as he slowly remembered everything that had happened yesterday.

He was originally going to meet Shoji at a park, but got jumped and consequently saved by a hot blue-haired boy who took him home and slept with him.

Sounds eventful, he knows, but nothing you're thinking happened actually happened.

He sauntered to the kitchen, following the scent of egg and a soft melody of humming - the beautiful tune nearly lulling Kaminari back to sleep where he stood.

He recognized the tune - an odd familiarity ringing through his mind as he listened to Izuku hum. He couldn't quite name the song, but he knew he had heard it from somewhere.

Kaminari started humming the melody to himself, alerting Izuku of his presence.

"Kami~nari~, you're awake now? I made breakfast! It's not much since I haven't gone shopping yet and I wasn't expecting guests, but it'll have to do. Sorry."

There were omelets and a few pieces of toast on the table, and Kaminari couldn't help the snort that left him.

"Very American, don't you think?"

Izuku blushed. "Whatever,"

 

Izuku was at work again, and normally he'd sit at the cash register and play a DS game while he waited for the usual customers to come by and shop, but this time he had a cute blond to keep him company, and a hot lilac on the way to chat it up.

"So Kaminari. What's your quirk?" Izuku hummed out, watching a sketchy raven-haired man walk in and cut straight to the back of the store towards the instant foods isle. Izuku raised an eyebrow at the overly tired movements of the homeless looking man but didn't say anything, turning back to look at Kaminari.

Kaminari perked up from his phone, grinning up at Izuku as he answered.

"I've got an electricity quirk. I can release high volts of electricity, but too much at a time and I sorta fry my brain. I'm workin' on the amount I can release though, before going braindead."

Izuku raised an eyebrow an thought, before smirking and humming his approval. "Impressive. So would you fair fine in water or no? I'd imagine it'd be horrible for you to sneeze in a pool or something. Oh, but at the same time, if you were struck by lighting what could happen. Would you be fine? Ah, what about consuming electricity, can you drink from a power bank? Or could you charge a phone?"

Kaminari opened his mouth hesitantly to answer, not quite catching every question fired at him. 

"Uhm, I- could you slow down a bit? I-"

"Listen, you two, I don't exactly have time for your little chitchats." Someone at the counter spoke in an overly irritated tone, tapping harshly on the counter for what Izuku could only guess was dramatic effect. 

"I'm here to purchase something," He continued, jabbing a finger in his general direction. 

"and you're here to do your job." the clearly annoyed customer finished his speech by jabbing a finger into Izuku's chest - for more dramatic effect that clearly didn't work out in his favor if Izuku's offended expression was anything to go by.

"Jesus Christ, man, your attitude is worse than the interior design of my house and I don't even have a house, dude. That's how bad your attitude is." Izuku sassed out, scowling at the tall raven-haired man in front of him.

Upon closer inspection, Izuku notices the seriously purple scars stapled to the fucker's face. Huh. Wonder how he missed that one.

"Anyways, staple face, what can I get for you're ugly face and handsome eyes this fine evening?"

Staple face glowered at Izuku, and Izuku took the time to admire his fucking white teeth holy shit this guy is buying bags on bags of chips and fucking soda and his teeth are so white? How does a person even accomplish that?

"Stop gawking at my teeth and ring up my items, you fucking midget."

Izuku squawked a somewhat offended noise out - the words 'Fuck you, I'm not even that short!' vaguely being heard before he begrudgingly rang up the staple faced guys' items, all the while Kaminari trying to find an answer whilst simultaneously trying to remember the questions he was asked.

 

The rest of the day was relatively quiet, Izuku taking a small nap while the shortage or customers continued.

"Izuku, get your short ass up, I'm here like you begged me to be." 

Izuku mumbled a no, sitting up quickly to wipe the drool from his mouth as he tried to stay awake. "Dude, go away, I'm fucking tired - Shinsou! So glad you could make it, hey you're like, somewhat gay right? Who cares. I need more gay friends and Kaminari here is clearly at least a bi disaster - yes, Denki, I did see you staring down my ass like it was water in a desert."

Denki went up in flames, a red and yellow mix of stuttering and shaking taking up the conversation.

"It's okay, buddy. I can't say I mind. I'm glad to know I'm appealing to someone~." Izuku sang out as he hip bumped the blushing blond.

"Anyways," Izuku continued, pursing his lips in mock thought. "Whaddy'all wanna do while the customer shortage is ago?"

"Ah, well I brought a cat but that's about it." Hitoshi stated, shifting from foot to foot in unease.

"Wait wh-?" 

"You brought a cat? Holy shit dude let me see it!" Izuku interrupted Denki's question, hopping in joy and expectancy at the mention of a cat.

Hitoshi smirked, carefully taking the slightly opened bag on his back and placing it lightly on the counter, pulling back the opening of the bag to reveal a calico cat.

Izuku squealed, reaching in to grab the cat and squeeze it to his chest.

Denki and Hitoshi blushed slightly at the cute sight before them as Izuku booped his nose to the cat's.

"Aw, you're adorable, little guy. What's your name?"

Hitoshi smiled lightly, not catching the way Denki choked silently on air at the breathtaking sight.

"His name is Lucifer. I found the literal demon in a dumpster around here. He's a real handful and he's so mean, but I guess he just loves you."

Izuku smiled at the cat, Lucifer, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"It's okay, buddy. We're both unexpected demons." The shortest teen grinned to the cat.

Suddenly the automatic doors to the shop opened, and in walking motherfucking All Might because it's a convenient store and even the symbol of peace needs a snack once in a while.

He just kind of stood there looking around, not really moving or anything.

Izuku scoffed while Denki and Hitoshi silently freaked out.

"Um, hello? Can I help you? I don't care is you're All Might or some shit, you cannot just block a fucking doorway." 

Denki sputtered at how blatantly rude Izuku was while Hitoshi laughed in surprise.

"O-oh, yes, I'm sorry! I was just. . .-"

"Look man, I don't give a shit. I'm not payed to be nice, I'm payed to ring up your stuff, so fucking purchase something or get out. You make me mad enough as it is, so the fact that you're just standing there is pissing me off."

All Might swallowed slowly, nodding and slowly turning to leave.

Just before he left, he looked over his shoulder and met Izuku's glare.

"Ah- young man?-"

"Dude literally get the fuck out already, I don't think I could give shit two shits for what you have to say."

And with that, All Might decided to quickly walk out, leaving two stunned teens and I tired worker in silence.

Izuku turned to Denki, throwing a smirk the blond's like he didn't just tell off the symbol of peace.

"You wanna hold Lucifer?" He asked.

Denki startled, giving a shaky smile as he held his arms out in confusion and unease.

Izuku moved to place the cat in Denki's open arms, only for Lucifer to hiss at the blond's face and jump away, moving quickly to the doors and cowering.

"Aw geez, you poor baby, come here." Izuku moved forwards toward the automatic doors, only for the sudden opening of the doors to scare Lucifer all over again.

Izuku groaned and sprinted after the cat that had bolted strait down the sidewalk and into an alleyway.

Izuku heard a surprised cry come from said alleyway, and upped his jogging pace to a worried Sprint.

He cut the corner and skid into the opening of the alley, coming face to face with a scared little girl shrinking away from Lucifer, who was sitting quietly licking his paw.

Izuku scooped up the cat, crouching down and slowly extending his hand to the little girl.

"Hey, deary, it's okay, it's just a cat. Lucifer won't hurt you, I promise. I won't let him, okay?" He spoke in a soft tone, sensing the girl's overwhelming unease.

The little girl slowly nodded, tears still threatening to spill at any moment.

She slowly shuffled forwards, placing a tiny hands into Izuku's scarred one.

Izuku smiled gently, standing up and guiding the girl back to the sidewalk.

"Where are your parents, honey? They must be worried." 

Suddenly, as if flicking a switch, the girl was back panicking, but instead of crying, she looked up with pure terror in her eyes. 

"I-I- y-you have to-- c-can you p-please-- I need your help m-mister. That man t-took me away. I-I- He's not a good m-man, I-" she started to cry, and Izuku startled at the sudden rush of panic that set off inside him.

"Alright, sweetheart. What does- okay nevermind, I'm going to take you to the police station, alright? And the we can-" 

"Eri, why are you with this stranger? What did I say about talking to strangers, hm? I'm awfully disappointed with you. You'll require a punishment when we get back home." Izuku looked up to see a tall man in a green coat, fuzzed at the neck in purple. A black medical mask covering a large portion of the man's face as he glares down at Izuku, who glared back in question.

"If you'll excuse me, sir, I'll be taking my daughter back, now." He said, pulling at his gloves in a sign of impatience.

Izuku looked intently at the man before him - brown hair, a mask, gloves, very clean and pristine. Suddenly it clicked, and the hair on Izuku's neck started to raise in alarm.

This was Chisaki Kai, better know as Overhaul, the Yakuza boss to the Eight Percepts of Death.

And Eri, who he held with the steel yet gentle grip of an angry father, was a poor little girl that had been kidnapped by this retched man.

"I'm sorry, Chisaki sir. But I'm afraid I cannot, rather won't be willing to do so." Izuku said with anger and venom seething into his words.

Kai stood still for a moment, anger and shock flooding his eyes for a meer moment before he glares yet again, no doubt sneering under the mask.

"I'm afraid I won't be asking again, young man." Kai snarled, and Izuku felt a shiver travel through his body.

Izuku stood up, stealing his face as he breathed deeply and closed his eyes to calm himself.

"Sorry, Chisaki, sir. But a no is a no, now. . ." Izuku snapped his eyes open, flashing Kai the dirtiest glare he could manage, and he cried.

 

 

Running wasn't something Izuku often liked to do. Not to say he was bad at it - he was rather good at it, actually, he just didn't have enough care to take it up as a hobby.

That being said, Izuku wouldn't have ever been prepared to run away from a Yakuza boss with a child and a cat in his arms, but hey, life is just absolutely quirky like that.

He burst through the shop doors, panting heavily and continuously glancing behind himself.

"You disappeared to get a cat and came back with a child. I haven't even known you for a week and I'm not even surprised." Hitoshi was the first to speak, not even questioning Izuku and his antics.

"I love you too, Shinsou."

Denki sat in confusion, locking eyes with the child and smiling brightly at her as she looked around.

"So what's your name, little lady?" He asked excitedly.

She startled, blinking a few times before answering. "U-uhm, I'm Eri."

Denki smiled. "Well, hi there, Eri! I'm Kaminari Denki! And the tall guy with purple hair is Shinsou Hitoshi!"

"And I'm Midoriya Izuku. Now Eri, do you have. . . Do you have any family to go to?" 

Eri frowned sadly, shaking her head no and whimpering.

Thinking quickly, and not wanting the sweet little girl to cry, Izuku spat out the first words that can to mind.

"Nonsense, dear, I can be your family! I'll be your uh. . . Your dad! I'll take care of you!" 

Eri looked up scared yet hopeful, tears dwellings in her wide, red eyes.

"Y-you really will? You'll be my daddy?" 

Izuku choked on his spit, freezing on his spot as he struggled to respond.

"I- I'm, of course!" 

Well shit. 

Guess Izuku's a fucking dad now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a discord server now-  
> Hisu_Who?  
> https://discord.gg/vccmtws  
> Seasonal Coffee #5071  
> Come join and/or add me🤠

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Bunzuku and chickennunget for encouraging me to write this!! uwu ily


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